If there’s an adage that I hear far too often as a father, it’s ‘they sure do grow up fast’. In Cal’s case, however, his hyper-accelerated growth in both size and development put that proverbial nonsense to shame. Physically and developmentally, Cal is much further ahead than other 2 or 3 year olds. His familiarity with the alphabet supersedes that of most public high school students. In terms of his size, I have nightmares of the day he turns 16 and I’m the short guy asking my son ‘how’s the weather up there’. But aside from his being far ahead of the learning curve and looking as if he at some point consumed copious amounts of growth hormones, there are other externalities to his development and size: he’s trickier than Dick Milhous Nixon ever was.
This is The Tale of the Cheese Pilfer!
I have a strict rule that Cal is not allowed to eat late at night—specifically anything other than one snack after dinner. Cal on the other hand, an abnormally large and constantly growing toddler, would like nothing more than a strawberry yogurt and/or 4 or 5 string cheese sticks before sluggishly crawling into my bed and falling to sleep with his wrappers littering my sheets. When he was much younger, catching him in act was no problem. I would typically be working in the living room, hear the fridge door close and see him blaze by with food in his hands and hunger in his eyes. Soon thereafter, I would crash his midnight food party by confiscating his acquired goods and sending him to bed.
More recently, however, Cal has discovered a stealthy manner in which to acquire his late night calorie combo. Upon heading to bed one evening, my feet found several string cheese wrappers littering my floor, where my face would later meet with a yogurt covered spoon on my pillow. How in the hell did he get the food, I thought.
The next night, I was active in my search to find out just how he obtained the goods. Paying close attention, I saw the little snack burglar loitering around the living room and looping a few times through the kitchen. He seemed innocent enough. After a few more circular trips between the living room and kitchen, he began to slink towards the bedroom, looking precariously at me to see if I was paying attention. Out of suspicion, I leapt towards the fridge, finding the door wide open and his luncheon accompaniment, the string cheese, missing. I quickly sprang for the bedroom just in time to catch Mr. Cal the cheese-pilfer pulling a bundle of string cheeses out of his shorts.
Cheeky little….My thoughts trailed off and I began to laugh. Cal turned to meet with his gawker and jumped.
“Daddy”, he said in surprise.
“Gotcha”, I said.
I jumped at the little guy, wrestling for the cheese. He struggled helplessly as I hoisted him upwards and confiscated the cheddar. When the match was over, I conditionally allowed Cal one string of his stolen cheese under the promise that he would throw away the wrapper.
Cal is clearly too smart for his own waistline, but I have to give him credit finding new ways to sneak food into the bedroom. He really is a brilliant little boy. Sadly, I think he’s at it again as I woke up this morning to find several cheese wrappers in the garbage next to my bed…I will never bargain with the Cheese Pilfer again.
